No.1603682
File: 1706994383235.jpg (67.75 KB, 1024x693, 1024:693, 872ef5d52e98487af0a88bfb04….jpg)
Me at work.
No.1603795
>>1603794who's this bad doggy?
No.1603796
remember that time when dotz was shilling the Jungle Movie just so she could give us some football head?
No.1603798
>>1603795*good doggy
but bad team
>>1603796shaddup
No.1603803
>>1603794someone needs to shoot that mean looking pitty
No.1603805
>>1603798if the team is KC, then it is automatically a gud taem
No.1603806
>>1603798>shaddupmake me mr simmons
No.1603816
>>1603805thats not true
>>1603803calm down
>>1603806spartman as much as it hurts me im going to have to give you detention
No.1603819
>>1603816that birb probably got the gay aids
No.1603826
>>1603621>tcq there isnt stank ass pussy sitting on your facea known feel
who has napoleons erotic fanfiction?
i remember seeing that once on lik /b/ or somewhere and it was p funny
No.1603830
>>1603826made a whole movie about it
No.1603831
>>1603816>.gifsus, as the kids say.
No.1603855
>>1603828>>1603831made it a long time ago budys
No.1604830
>>1603826Napoleon was ugly, smelled bad, had a Corsican accent, slept for 3 hours a night, was mostly away warring and had a greenish complexion. French society women were invariably disgusted by him. His first wife married him because she was a broke spendthrift, his second wife married him because geopolitics (Metternich ftw) and would go on to cuck him. What sort of fan fiction are we talking about here?
No.1604857
>>1604830being a midget didn't help matters either
i'd rather see
joan of arc fanfiction tbh, i mean at least it'd be straight
No.1604933
>>1604830he wrote pottery about licking sweaty stankass napoleonic-war-era minge
No.1604958
>>1604933oh so hes a chad of culture
No.1604964
>>1604830damn nappy really was an incel
at least he conquered half of fuckin europe, pissed off the limeys and revolutionized warfare so good on him
better than 90% of chuds anyways
No.1604966
>>1604958yea seems like a cool guy tbh
except for that one time where he got btfo of egypt, wrote a letter to the kang saying egypt was now officially french clay, then sailed back and left his whole army to just die of typhus or whatever
No.1604967
>>1604964>incelbruh heem french
lik from france
you could just go buy a whorb or 3 for an evening they were cheap af
No.1605317
>>1604967>buylol unless you're truly repulsive and completely autistic like literally autistic to the point basic small talk is terrifying to you you can prolly easily find a baguette whorb to hop on your dick french womyn are tremendous whores
No.1606056
>>1605317i mean he tried to take over the world
heem prolly autistic
No.1606086
>>1606056idk he wasn't autistic enough to understand hre. that's like an autistic dream to control
No.1606148
i always wonder what the demons he talked to in the pyramids said to him
it cant have been good
he certainly was never the same ever again
No.1606152
>>1606148you mean that little red man? i wonder if he's some spiritual ruler over france.
No.1606196
>>1604966Yeah, that was kind of a dick move. Tying his army up in Spain forever and just simply walking into Mordor were also probably bad ideas.
No.1606270
>>1606152>that little red man?idk
i meant when he was in egypt
prior to things going south w the muzzies, he had had locals guiding him out to the various ruins so he could bring all his scholars and whatnot to geek out on all the old crap.
while they were doin that, its said he went into one of the chambers in some freshly unsealed tomb
id assume in the valley of kings as that was the fresh ruins they had just uncovered. he came out white as a sheet and never spoke/wrote anything on it. only reason we know of it at all is cuz all his geeks were writing literally everything they saw or that happened down
prolly cut some deal w one of them gyppo bloodgods imo.
but anyways, shortly afterwards, napoleon experienced his first crushing defeat in acre, left everyone to die
blood sacrifice, then went home, couped the french republic basically on a whim, got himself godemperored, then exiled, then godemporored again. then exiled again. then ded. and in the meantime he managed to have a military career so illustrious it rivaled alexander the great.
sure sounds lik some devils deal/monkeys paw shit doesnt it? its erratic even by his standards
and all it cost was his perfect winning record + all of his troops blood and souls. p much EXACTLY what id ask from napoleon if i was a demon
>u want some power little man?>fine gimme literally everything youve ever cared about<k No.1606290
>>1606270that's the little red man. lil nigga is this harbinger of big events in french history like the st. bartholomew's day massacre, the fronde and the revolution. supposedly he showed up to nappy at the pyramids and was like
>hey you seem like an ambitious fella i'll give you 10 years as emperor so you can go conquer europe<baise ouais i accept<now josephine will finally love me>*btfos the entirety of europe*>*makes the limeys seethe*>*btfos the austrokrauts at wagram*>hey bud i can gib you 5 more years but don't fight with russia<lolk i wont>*gets btfo'd by the russkies*>*comes back from exile*>i told you about russia bro just sign a peace treaty and you'll be ok<nah bro gotta win a great victory<*gets btfo'd at waterloo*or at least that's what the account says.
No.1606397
>>1606290huh
here i thought i was being schizo
didnt realize it was just french folklore
so when/where was the second visit supposedly?
No.1606399
>le petit homme rouge
ok so i guess i have heard about this guy
>haunts some palace and only appears to kings/queens/emperors
sounds like some old french kang was into the ol solomonic magic and bound a fucking demon figures. they were all rosicrucian hipsters
No.1606436
>>1606399now whats all this about rosie crustaceans?
No.1606446
File: 1707872245283.png (246.56 KB, 448x628, 112:157, your skill in conjuration ….png)
>>1606436it was just a popular esoteric bois club for western yuros around that time. if you were a yuropean noble/hipster in the 17th-20th century, you were expected to join some dumb secret society. and rosicrucianism was extremely popular in france at that time
its just an assumption, but they would certainly have been interested in that kinda stuff. esoterica like that was their whole thing
earliest (known) versions of the keys of solomon are circa italian renaissance, so theyd have had access to it in france by the 1600s for sure
and if ur tryna bind demons, thats THE book
No.1607628
>>1604964Easily one of the most influential people in European history. Apart from that he gave most people their last name and all of Europe's countries legal frameworks derive from the Napoleonic code. Expecially considering the absolute mess the French legal system was in when he took over, it was an epic achievement.
Most Europeans got their surname when Napoleon took over their country, he built hella roads and shit, he basically started the unification of Germany with the confederation of the Rhine and then the Britbongs, literally some random French guy nobody ever cared about and the Tsar were too out of touch to notice that the Austrians and Prussians were playing them like a fiddle and they were all too out of touch to realize most of Europe didn't want to (go back to) be(ing) absolute monarchies, leading to the entire continent basically repeating the French revolution in 1848 with mixed results. The way Europe was divided and those results in 1848 directly led to all bloodshed in modern history. Dude was efficient as fuck and what came before and after was a disaster.
>>1604966Kind of a dick move, ngl. But hey, Rosetta stone and shit.
>>1606196Definitely. Especially the Spain thing should have been his priority, since he was p cool with Alexander I'm confident that confrontation could have been stalled through diplomacy. No reason to ever walk into Mordor, but hey, he did take a burned out husk of Moscow waving a French flag, that's gotta be some kind of record for getting closer than the rest.
No.1607631
what is even so tempting about russia that so many world leaders have gone and tried to fuck with that area? i know some of it has to do with worrying about the orcs deciding to rampage into yurup proper but pursuing them into their own territory has never worked well for anyone except the mongols and that was like 800 years ago
No.1607660
>>1607634bigger than a nascar trophy?
No.1607666
>>1607631Poles did it easily tho
No.1607670
>>1607631Even for the Mongols it was arguably a Pyrrhic victory that led to imperial overstretch and a quick dissolution of the Golden Horde. No idea what these leaders expected to find apart from cold, death and a country that has been 50-100 years behind Western Europe since Alexander the Great (who was mostly great because he brought European ideas to Russia). Maybe the big landmass just has an inherent appeal to the people who think they should run the world.
No.1607675
me when niggers steal my keyb
No.1607687
>>1607666and iirc they immediately lost it all because sweden throat fucked them and its p hard to keep control over a massive frozen shithole full of drunk trolls in the best of times much less when youve got a bunch of chefs attacking you
No.1617819
cuck